One of my essential visits while in California for Christmas was my dad's grave site.
I totally looked forward to this and dreaded it at the same time.
My mom lovingly picked out Christmas flowers that she knew Dad would love.
She did perfectly.
As I approached the grave site I felt my emotions knot up in my throat.
They steadily spread and my chest tightened as I stepped closer.
I thought I would burst into tears.
I reached his gravestone and sighed.
It felt peaceful.
I missed him.
It seemed surreal.
But it felt peaceful.
Look at the surroundings.
When Mom and I selected the grave site, we had already viewed most of the cemetery.
When we stopped at this section we looked at each other and said "This is it."
When we walked to the plot we looked at each other and said "This is it."
When I showed my Dad the pictures of his site (he was at home on hospice) he said "That's nice."
And it is.
It truly is a set apart place.
And my Mom did an incredible job on his headstone.
She was absolutely inspired.
This is the best tribute to him possible.
Mom brilliantly brought a lifesaver book to share with Dad for Christmas.
Dad was Christmas for all of us.
He always made sure we each had a lifesaver book so we could savor the season.
Claire and Hallie enjoyed being there. Claire got her knees muddy crawling everywhere.
Hallie danced and ran and collected pine cones for Grandpa.
Clairey danced on Grandpa's grave.
And he would have loved it!
Let me say that there are moments where I feel like I could implode with grief. Let me also say with the utmost sincerity that because of a loving Savior, that grief subsides and joy can reside. Sometimes reading a strong statement like someone's belief and love for Jesus Christ makes me feel uncomfortable. But let me add that I do not say it to show off or make anyone feel uncomfortable. I'm not better than anyone. But after years of study, personal reflection, and prayer I tell you He lives; and because of Him, Dad lives too. He doesn't live here where I can hug him. But he lives close by in spirit. And someday I will hug him again. And we'll both weep just like I do as I write this. And I think the Savior will weep too. Because he loves both of us. He loves all of us.
6 comments:
oh michelle, this is one of the touching posts !!! i love the headstone that your mom chose for your dad. so touching ! i can't wait to see you hug him soon. it will be a wonderful feeling to be with the ones we lost again. love you !
very well point. very appropriate...
Remarkably and beautifully put, Michelle. Love you.
Hi there...you don't know me, but I came across your blog from my dear friend Kristi (Clews) blog about the time that you lost your dear dad, and have blog stalked you ever since. Today marks 13 years since I lost my daddy, and I just wanted to thank you for your words. They are just what I needed to read today. You write so perfectly what I feel. You are truely an amazing woman, and I have loved blog stalking you ;) Thank you.
Michelle, what a beautiful post, thanks so much for taking such great pictures of dad's gravesite. How I miss him!!!
Michelle, I cried. I feel for you, even though I've not come close to grief you feel.
So many times, I repeat I am so very grateful to know the truth, to know that life does not end here.
One of Katelyn's friends lost her oldest sister last year. We went to the closed casket viewing to show support. I had a talk with her about death. It's just a momentary goodbye, and we'll see you again later. But still so sad because our loved ones will be missed, but never forgotten.
--Much love being sent your way.
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