Come What May

Oh, life! It certainly has its twists and turns. We have had some unexpected twists lately. In addition to Mike's passing, we were dealing with another plunging turn at the same time. My Dad (a.k.a. my hero) was feeling severe back pain several weeks ago. After several tests, doctors have determined he has stage IV cancer. Stage IV. I can look at the history of my life and say, unabashedly, that this should be the hardest time in my life. Undoubtedly, the news of both events are the hardest things I have ever heard (along with news of Grandpa Skaggs' cancer four years ago). But, I am going to be totally honest . . . this is not the hardest time of my life. We are sad (very sad, in fact). But we are also joyful, happy, and hopeful. We continue to enjoy life's pleasures. We giggle. We eat yummy recipes (a little too much sometimes). We watch fun movies. We tell funny stories. We reminisce. And it makes us grateful. We are happy, truly happy. Sweet friends have approached us expecting morose expressions and woeful tales. But we can't. And it's not just "glass half full Michelle." Chris is my optomistic partner on this roller coaster. I can't tell you that my heart doesn't bleed when I think of my Dad and his upcoming chemotherapy. Chris has moments where he is overcome with grief over his little brother. Despite all this, life is still beautiful and joyful. Do yourself a favor and read this article. It's life changing and encompasses my entire life philosophy. I have a nearly perfect life. It isn't charmed. It's that way because I choose it to be.

P.S. My husband literally just asked me if I ever wondered what it felt like to pee my pants. I, of course, exploded in booming laughter. And those moments are just some of what makes life fantastic.

perspective

If I feel this busy with only two kids and a job where I stay at home, I can't imagine what the future holds! Keeping the house clean, feeding people, and keeping the girls and myself somewhat presentable sweeps up so much time. I have been making time to read my scriptures and inspirational books/magazines again (Ensign, old conference talks, self-help/parenting books). This makes me feel loads better. Although, I haven't had much time for literature lately and I could really use some excercise time. I'll figure it out someday and though I will never be able to do it all, I will be able to do more! I need to blog more because this is the main way I am recording my daughters' lives and they are both growing up too fast! Whew!

Has anyone else been feeling overwhelmed lately? The other day, I was able to stop and take pictures of things around my house that I am thankful for. It was great because my heart was filled with love at even the most basic items. It was a great exercise in perspective. Try it! I know if I had more time, I could take a hundred more pictures.

happy

I know I blog about all the lovely things in my life. I do it because my life is lovely. Yes my three-year-old can be snotty sometimes, but she is mostly vibrant and happy. So, the baby screams and want to be held a lot. She is also chubby and warm and cuddly. Sometimes Chris and I misinterpret the other person's meaning and waste fifteen minutes being offended until we get over ourselves. But we tell each other "I love you" fifteen times a day and once an hour we ask our spouse if we can get them a glass of water. Fridges break down and take up all our savings. ER visits and root canals happen and sometimes I feel like a slave to medical bills. I work twenty eight hour weeks while I still tend to babies and cooking and cleaning. But all these things are just brief snippets and moments in my life. And the rest of it is just happy and blissful and perfect to me. I don't let little moments get me down. In fact, I forget about them really quickly. The super-positive gene is embedded in my DNA. So, while I blog about everything always being so "lovely" and "wonderful." I really mean it.

recovering

Hello! I'm just recovering-- from vacation and my medical surprise while we were away. Last Thursday night, as I was preparing for our trip, I had terrible pain in my lower abdomen. But it went away within an hour and I didn't think about it again. Until Monday night! I had just taken care of Claire at midnight when I felt the extreme pain again. I immediately took ibuprofen because the pain was so severe. Twenty minutes later, I was throwing up in the toilet. You know how when you are sick enough, vomiting seems okay because at least you feel a little better afterward? Unfortunately, that was not the case this time. The pain was extreme and just unrelenting. I tried to sleep it off a little but by five a.m. I knew that we needed to go to the hospital. Something was terribly wrong. I was frightened to leave and wished that my Mom could come with Chris and I but we needed her home to watch our girls. Chris acted calm and was sweet and assuring as he drove me to the hospital. Just waiting in the emergency room while he filled out paperwork was excruciating. They wheeled me into a triage room and asked me standard questions about my medical history and pain. They asked me how many pregnancies I had and how many were full term. I answered "two" for both. One of the tests they needed me to do was a urine sample. Just sitting up was too much for me and I vomited again from the pain.

Minutes later they informed me that I tested "positive" for an initial pregnancy test. I told Chris it meant I had an ectopic pregnancy and that we wouldn't be able to have this baby. I knew this because two women I had known had this happen and my Mom even mentioned this could be an option while I was in pain at home. After blood test and ultrasound confirmed it, an obstetrician performed emergency surgery.

It hurt worse than delivery and recovery of both my babies. It was like transition labor with Hallie except that in that case it was just contractions. This was just endless pain and pressure and vomiting. There was a lot of pain throughout the entire experience but it is amazing what our bodies can handle. I had a lot of blood loss but the wonderful news is that nothing was damaged and I am recovering well. So, there went over half our vacation and I am sure we will see big dollar signs in medical bills. Yet despite that, Chris and I are humbled by modern medicine. This is something that would have killed me if I lived one hundred years ago. I am thankful for my family and friends who took care of me and for my husband who is so strong. Even as they delivered the news, I was thankful just to know what was going on. Throughout the entire process, I felt strongly that going through this painful process can help me be sympathetic in the future to others who experience something similar.

Bad Day/Good Day

Bad Day (two days ago)

• I found out I made a HUGE mistake at work a couple months ago and it came back to haunt me.
• After months of no accidents, Hallie had two (both kinds if you must know) in one day
• Claire was exceptionally fussy.
• I got a crying headache. I hate those.

Good Day (today)

• I took the kids to the store and they were sweet, well-behaved children with only one minor meltdown (Hallie-style).
• We went to the park-- before I went, I gave Hallie a pep talk about how when I said it was time to go, she needed to be nice to me and not scream and run away. When the time came, she was great and followed me to the car. She waited patiently as I buckled in Claire. But when it was her turn to get in the car, she changed her mind and started running to the playground. I reminded her to "make a good choice." And she did! She stopped and thought about it and turned to run to me. Then she stopped and turned to run to the slide but at the last minute stopped again. Then, she turned around smiling and ran into my arms! I was so excited because she is great when we go places but miserable sometimes when we leave.
• Hallie went to the restroom at the restaurant and the store-- no problems.
• It was sunny and bright and the kids played on the swing set for an hour. Claire just hung out in the bucket swing and Hallie went down the slide at least thirty times. After each time she would yell "I did it!" and then come hug and kiss me. Hallie even had a little picnic on the double swing. She sat on one side and set her sandwich, chips, juice, and Oreos on the other side. It was cute and peaceful.
• Hallie called a bee a "bum-bum bee." It cracked me up.
• Chris brought me home some mums and a pumpkin yesterday. He knows I am a fall junkie.
• And my final reason that today is a good day is . . . It's Friday! I get to be with my husband for two whole days. Oh, and neither of us have to work. Yay.

lucky

Just feeling lucky to have the kids I do, and the spouse I do, as well as the network of family and friends that I have. I'm also really grateful for something real to have faith in. This picture of her reminded me of all that.

Pause

Life right now . . .
wake up
take care of girls
straighten house
work on projects for new house
take care of girls
do one of the always behind loads of laundry
go to Target to get stuff for house
take care of girls
start work at 2
cook meals
straighten house
do the never-ending dishes
go to Lowes for stuff for house
take care of girls
put Hallie to bed
put Claire to bed
watch movies and/or talk with Chris
go to bed
take care of Claire in the middle of the night
begin said process the next day
Chris has the same schedule (including take care of girls) but his schedule includes yard work as well as official curtain rod and picture hanging duties.

Life is good-- but even summer stays busy, busy, busy.

Today we are going to the zoo. After I pay bills and Chris spends the morning at Lowes-- of course.

We can't wait to be settled in so that we can appreciate the break part of "summer break."

But, we can't complain. We have a beautiful house; a big yard; two beautiful, happy, healthy children; and each other.

And we have moments where we can stop all the work and just have fun.