Transportation

Today I am thinking of transportation.  And not transportation in the traditional sense of trains, planes, and automobiles.  I am thinking of how pictures can transport you to another time.  I'm starting work on Claire's baby book.  You can call this my method of transportation. Back in the day, I was as big a scrapbooker as they come.  These days, I simply compile the girl's first year in a scrapbook and maybe do a theme scrapbook here and there.  Otherwise, I am so enthralled with the digital era.  I love blogs and look forward to compiling these entries into hard copy books someday soon.  I also like doing movies for our family.  The point is, something has to be done with pictures.  We owe ourselves the thrill of transportation.  I barely remembered these photos existed.  And look at what they capture . . . Claire just three days old.  Her skin looks so soft.  Her face looks so content.  I look like I haven't had much sleep but you can tell I feel so peaceful.  Those newborn moments are so unique and so fast.  And although, I am not ready to drive into that era again quite yet, I am so happy that I have pictures to transport me back for brief moments. 

Daydreams

I really, really like having these kids.  I just love being a mom.  I want to say that this was what I always dreamed about motherhood, but I can't. 

You see, my daydreams about motherhood involved six children, Kevin, Kimberly, Ryan, Ashley, and the twins (a boy whose name I can't recall) and Carissa.  The reason I had six kids was 1.) I really liked six names and wanted to use them up and 2.) I needed kids with different shades of my brown hair.  Kevin was my dark-haired son.  Kimberly had dark brown hair as well.  Ashley and Ryan had light brown hair.  And the twins?  They were just babies.  They didn't really have hair . . .just peach fuzz.  I never imagined a dad . . . he must have been at work.  I never ever imagined taking care of the babies . . . they were just cute, fat placeholders.  My visions were mainly of my older children lined up in first day of school clothes with Disney character backpacks on, thick combed hair, and smiles on their faces.  They didn't really talk.  They never made messes.  I never had to feed them.  I just looked through catalogs at how I would decorate their rooms.  And I took them trick-or-treating by pulling a wagon around the neighborhood (the oldest three would walk, the youngest three would sit in the wagon).  These kids never fought, never screamed, never had trouble going to sleep, never woke up screaming from sleep.  And always looked picture perfect. 

Right now I have Hallie and Claire.  Their names certainly weren't on my name list.  And Hallie's blond hair . . . never in my wildest dreams.  My real kids have well coiffed hair from about 10am until 10:20 when Claire rips out her bows or Hallie ruffles her braids by rolling in blankets.  I have to change at least six diapers a day and I have to feed them and work really hard to get their rooms even close to orderly (and nowhere near catalog worthy).  They smile a lot but they scream and cry a lot too.  And the older one is smart as a whip and knows how to reason and talk back a little. 

But they have loads of personality.  The love me and think I am as pretty as any princess.  They gush "Mommy" with such adoration when they wake up from their naps and they hug with gusto as they wrap their arms around my neck and lay their heads on my shoulder.  They delight when a dog barks or when a bird is in the backyard.  Their eyes are so expressive and their energy brings such an alive spirit to our home.   

These two bring joy that my thirteen-year-old imagination could never comprehend.  In fact, I never imagined being joyful with my pretend family, only being proud of how perfect they were.  These kids keep me so busy I barely even have the chance to reflect on how proud I am of them.  All I know is they bring me joy.

And the dirty work involved in parenting is what gets you to that joyful level. Take for instance my newborn Claire.  She was so content during the day and so unsettled during the night those first weeks of her life.  I would do everything I could think of those nights and just pray with all my strength that she could just fall asleep.  One night, I was singing to her, terrified that the screaming onslaught would begin.  As I sang her her lullabies I thought "Does she even know me?  Does she even care that I am singing?"  An overwhelming feeling of assurance and the thought came to me "This is how you will bond.  This investment now is what will make her love you and make her calm as she is older."  Cut to fifteen months later, and isn't it the truth?  That little one loves to be held, and stroked, and sung to.  I know she feels safe and protected and loved.  And I know she loves me.

So, is parenting what I imagined?  No way, because I didn't know what to imagine.  Are these two kids better than I ever could have imagined?  For sure.  They are better than my best dreams because not even my dreams could have taken me here.

Maybe it's just 'cuz I'm a mom, but . . .

I think my kids are so funny.

Tonight Grandma Judy treated us to dinner at a restaurant. Towards the end of the meal, Hallie told us "I just want to go home and be sleepy and go to bed." Poor thing. When did she go from resisting sleep to begging for it? Also at the restaurant tonight, I was feeding Claire potato soup and asked if she liked it. She responded by yelling "Yaaaaaaaayyyyyy!!!!!!" as loud as she possibly could. Everyone turned to look. One final note about the restaurant . . . Claire could not get enough of an infant girl. Without prompting, she saw her and said "Baby!" Then she let us know every time the parents got up with the baby. "Baby! Baby!" I just love when babies notice other babies.

Clairey Baby (June 2010)

Claire is changing so much these days.  Even in the last week, her development is astonishing.  Here are some of our favorite things:

She is talking more everyday.  Last night, Chris got up with her when she was crying in the night.  I didn't even know Chris had slipped away (he wanted to let me sleep-- how sweet).  In the stillness that is 1 a.m. a little voice broke through the stretches of darkness yelling "Milllllll!!!!"  Chris had poured her a bottle of milk and she was more than eager to devour it.

Claire loves to be on the go.  She always has.  Before she started talking, she would start flapping her arms when we gathered things to leave the house.  If I ever was holding her when I went into the garage, she would start crying if I came back in without buckling her into her car seat and driving away.  Now, she just tells us what is on her mind.  She'll just look at us, smile, and say "Bye! Bye!" in a sweet (but very direct) voice.

Claire tells us "fooooo" (food) if she is hungry.  Or signs "more" and says "mo-mo-mo" with a staccato tempo.  In addition to "mill" (milk) she tells us "ba-ba" for bottle.  With every bottle, she takes a few drags and then passes it over to whoever is holding her and smacks her lips several times as if to say "Would you like some too?"

She says "yay" and she is starting to say "no" when she is whining.  She also says "bi-per" when we change her diaper and points to every light fixture to say "lie" (light).

If we say "one . . . two . . ." Claire will finish with an animated "Thhh-eeee!"

Our baby loves babies (in the form of stuffed toys).  When she sees one she squeals "baby! baby!" and then hugs it to her face with all her strength. 

Claire is getting great with communicating.  Even though her vocabulary is still limited she understands quite a lot.  That makes it easier to communicate by asking her questions.  "Are you hungry?" yields a nervous and excited laugh from Claire that tells us to get that baby food pronto.  If her answer is no she'll just shake her head or wipe her face and ears to show her disapproval.  This is also her sign that she is ready for nap time-- rubbed eyes, ears, and nose are the symbol that Clairey needs a baby, a blanket, and a crib.

Up to this point in her life she has been a supreme "Mommy's girl."  There is no place she rather be than on my hip or in my lap.  Now that Daddy is off of school and home for summer, she is relishing daddy love.  She loves to lay down with Daddy and lets him hold her sideways.  She even rests her head on his shoulder.  She never does either for me.

Our snuggle baby is active, active, active these days.  Instead of her usual sitting and observing, she is taking off.  She can do a traditional crawl but sticks with the army crawl (more out of habit, I'm guessing).  She isn't pulling up to standing yet, but is always pulling up to her knees and pulling books off shelves and toys off tables.  Our electrical outlets are protected but we need to do some child-proofing to cabinets pretty soon. 

Claire's attitude is a reflection her new found physical freedom.  She is vivacious and impatient.  She is sweet and a little spicy too.  If she is unhappy, she'll quickly let us know with shrieks of disapproval.  But she is so round and cute and never complains about the shower of kisses her three family members squish on her cheeks several times daily.

This morning our family of four was snuggling together and playing.  Hallie was tickling me and I told her I was all done.  Hallie continued to squirm and I looked over to find Claire stealthily tickling her sister with her chubby little hands.  Funny baby.

That's our Claire in a few paragraphs.  We really can't capture her in words though.  You've got to see this cuteness to totally believe it.

I am their mother

I like that this looks like a photo from a newspaper.  I like that time already stands still even though it was taken minutes ago.  It already looks like a memory even though it is right now.  What is true looking at this in the future, as well as now, is that I am their mother.  I will always be their mother.  I love that.

snow shoveling

When Chris and I were first married I day dreamed a lot (I'm a dreamer). But I didn't day dream about nice cars or fancy vacations. I dreamt about hanging out with our future children . . . I fantasized about making pankcakes together, popping popcorn for a family movie night, picking vegetables together in our garden. Last Saturday Chris took Hallie out with him to shovel snow. Some would think this was cruel punishment but for Hallie it was heaven. And what a great small moment Chris took to teach our daughter about the value of work. As I watched them I felt a little grab at my heart. This was totally something I would have day dreamed about when we were newlyweds. And now here we are! And then I ran back inside, slammed the garage door and left them in the cold.

sweet realities

Both my sweet daugthers are screaming right now. Claire is in her crib, crestfallen that I would part from her to make her nap. Hallie is on her bed, furious that I am so "mean" to her. She told our store checker "Help! Help me! She keeps yelling at me. She's being mean to me. I need help!" The reality= I had more composure than a Buckingham Palace guard. Another reality= I used every parenting technique I learned in my 28 units of college child development courses. I tried ignoring, distracting, hugging, pep talks, giving her choices, and trust me when I say I tried to get in and out of the store as quick as possible. When her tantrum first broke, I tried to nip it by packing up our shared happy meal and heading straight to the car. But the reality is, Claire needs formula to survive and despite my planning, we were fresh out. So, after ten minutes of getting screamed at in the car, I had to cart my two cuties back into Wal-Mart (an already stressful place in my opinion).

The moral of the story is life is filled with realties, both bitter and sweet. Despite all my techniques and bucket loads of prayers, my babies are their own little people and will make their own choices. But, not a day goes by that I don't burst with love for these kids. I've waited to be their mom my entire life and now their childhood is sweeping by faster than any time in life before. So, I'll take the bitter with the sweet.

Besides, these moments make for great stories!

making mommy memories

I didn't realize when I purchased a hand print ornament kit at Hobby Lobby that I was buying myself an emotional roller coaster. It was just on my to-do list for several weeks until the day I decided to get crafty. I opened my kit and read the instructions and before I knew it I was crying. Just the thought of me pulling these ornaments out of a box twenty years in the future had me spilling with emotion. I imagined touching the tiny casts of my baby's little hand prints and laughing while weeping over how much they had grown. And, I didn't just want to remember their hand size. I wanted to remember exactly what they looked like that day so that I could have their precious faces frozen in time as well. So, as any overzealous, hormonal mother would do, I took pictures of the process.

Let the record state that Hallie was very calm, composed, and excited about the process. She relished holding her hand still for one minute straight because she saw the picture of what it would become. Claire, on the other hand, thought I was trying to cement her hand permanently. She naturally tried to clutch and claw her way out of the mold, all the while wailing while I held her hand in place. But, when I look at her little hand on the Christmas tree, it looks still and peaceful. And Claire forgot about the terrifying ordeal as soon as she got her little paws on my instruction page. It was all worth it. And I now know to pack up these ornaments with a mini-pack of Kleenex so I can be prepared for the fountain of tears I'll be shedding in the future.

You know you are a busy mom when you go twenty-four hours with one eyebrow plucked. Yep, yesterday morning I squeezed in some time to pluck my eyebrows. I had time to shape the right one and then my children needed me. Cut to one day later when I have one bushy eyebrow and one sleeker version.

living the dream

Here are some pictures of our day to day activities in November. This, my friends, is what I call living the dream. Spending each day in our home with my two love bugs and their father? Definite dream come true. What have we been up to lately? We've been watching cartoons, baking cookies and reading books. We did stage one of Christmas decorating (we've just done the family room so far). Our first big appliance died so we bought a new fridge/freezer. And we had family in town and went to the Army/Air Force football game. It's been a great month so far. Granted, this is the messiest time of my life. I always have crusty baby food on me and I rarely blow dry my hair or put on more make-up than LipSmackers chapstick. And on days like today, I much rather blog or make homemade Christmas gifts than do the laundry loads or sweeping I need to. But honestly, not a day goes by (or a even a couple hours) that I don't look at my kids or my husband or my home and go "How did I get so blessed?" And isn't that what Thanksgiving time is all about?

These pictures make me want to keep these girls this way forever. Nevermind growing up. Stay little please.

burp cloths in the backyard

I looked out the window today and what did I see? A burp cloth in the backyard. I laughed. I knew it was there for one reason. It's the same reason why I can never find any burp cloths or hand towels. It's because Hallie steals them. My little girl has an obsession. They are the perfect-sized blankets for her stuffed animals and dolls. Yes, I cringe at the fact that what was wiping Claire's spit-up one moment is being used to swaddle a pink poodle a half hour later. And, it is inconvenient when I have to dry my hands on my jeans because I turn to the oven and my hand towel is gone. But it's sweet, and its fleeting. It's all going so fast anyway. So, my little girl, I love that you rip off my handy scraps of fabric.






Hallie loves trains and airplanes. Whenever she sees anything lined up (trees, cars, people) she points out that it looks like a train. And she loves to set up her dolls and toys in choo-choo alignment. As for airplanes, she has radar hearing that can tell a plane is going to fly overhead before anyone else recognizes it. And she can spot a plane in the sky even if it is a pepper fleck. She bursts in excitement (while usually bursting our eardrums) "Look, Daddy! An airplane! Do you see the airplane in the sky, Daddy?" It's a good thing we have an airport, several bases, and the Air Force Academy in our town. It's a plane-lovers wonderland here.
choo-choo alignment up the stairs








My favorite times with Hallie are 1.) lying in bed, holding her and singing lullabies, 2.) reading to her, 3.) and baking with her. Since we have been doing it since she was such a young age, she is so disciplined when we cook. If I say "don't touch that please" she obeys. I let her eat cookie dough bits until the egg phase. (I am too anal at the off chance she could get salmonella poisoning and die). She is so patient to wait until we are done baking to eat. She is great at measuring and dumping ingredients and can differentiate between baking soda and baking powder (which I surely couldn't do at that age). If she spies me baking without her, she excitedly starts dragging a chair over from the kitchen table to the counter.

cookie pizza (a recent Mom/Hal collaboration)

I didn't get punched, I smudged my eye makeup. It gives me a more "mom" look, don't you think?

As far as my Claire is concerned, she is getting so big. She is days away from five months old. A funny quirk about her is she scares really easily. If she is in her crib, and she doesn't see you coming, she has a fit if you sneak up on her. Chris and I figured out that we basically have to "announce" our entrance by talking and singing to her as we approach her bedroom. Or sometimes we let her see us out of her periphery first. That way we avoid startling her. Even if her eyes are squeezed shut mid-cry, if she opens them and you are there unexpected, she'll cry even harder. What a funny kid.

She is spitting up less these days (which makes Hallie's burp cloth obsession a little easier to handle). I was holding her today and I was just having one of those "mom moments" where I wanted to keep her that chubby and small forever. Now, when I hold her in my lap she can twist her head around and stare up at me with her big blue eyes. It's very cute.

She is doing what I call her "pre-teething" lately. She was miserable for a bit today. Even when I wore her around the house in my baby sling, she was still so unhappy. So, I finally gave her some tylenol and sat her on my lap. Soon she stopped crying and just sat there like a lump. Twenty minutes later she was cooing and kicking. I was so happy that my poor baby had some relief.

Sometimes I refer to Clairey-girl's hair as "Spike." Even though her smile and eyes are super feminine, her hair just spikes straight up these days. Yesterday after bath time, I tried to comb it down to see if it would dry that way. Ten minutes later the spike look was back. It's so sweet though because it is so her.

Clairey sporting "the spike"

One of my favorite moments with Claire is when she cries really hard. So hard that her head turns mauve and she scrunches her little face up. That sounds terrible because, I truly don't like her to be sad or in pain. But, it is the same face that I saw the first time I laid eyes on her. And even though she is crying I always think what I first thought seconds after she was born. "She's so beautiful" and "look at her perfect nose." It's another "mom moment." But it's what happens and what's real and I want to remember it.

lucky

Just feeling lucky to have the kids I do, and the spouse I do, as well as the network of family and friends that I have. I'm also really grateful for something real to have faith in. This picture of her reminded me of all that.